The One

I feel I can't or will never find my apparent better half...I mean..where in the world is he?..Where?..I would never want to rush something like this or settle for second best. I've always wanted to rely on myself and not be a girly girl who gets doors opened for her, or who just gets the free stuff, like I would actually want to pay on a date, ofcourse my guy wouldn't be a cheap skate and always let me pay. I don't want to have to play mind games, Love is true..love is mature..look at me talking about love..me...yes me, I've just been thinking about it alot lately and I mean, I know "we're not perfect"..*note the quotation marks* We are called to be holy just as our heavenly Father is holy..somewhere Matthew 5 vs 40-something...hey I searched it's 48..the last verse of the chapter. But I mean..I'd love to be a person someone would love to love..get it?..People would say the kind of love that hurts'. I thought I found it..I thought I was being the best person I could..turns out God..loved me, loves me, will love me...even at my worst..and how awesome is it to know that?..

That's why I say to God, please keep my dearest wherever in the world he is. I've promised to save myself, I don't want to be anyone's sloppy seconds or thirds, but have that pure, beautiful love that reflects what the Lord truly had in mind. I'm a dreamer but I will not compromise, I will not hurry God's time is the best...easy to say :) but I have found it to be true.

 I pray Lord for patience..lots of it, many a fine brother do I see, but you see past that and see our hearts. I'm just waiting for my best friend to make an appearance...and in the mean time trying not to get him confused with someone else..*please may he be hoTT.. ",* thanks.. -K

..Ever had tht chill..the one you really feel in your bones? Well I just had one..could be the sad weather and also a chill coming from somewhere deep within...
I'm not alone. but I'm lonely..there's a huge difference between the two..Listening to some Emeli Sande and boy the feeling just got magnified....
.The past few months I've been losing myself more and more...Then I ask what exactly am I looking for??..I seem to have tired of alot of people...everyone's all paired up..and I still can't find the person who's supposed to be my better half...where the heck are you??????..lol...I'm stuck between laughing and crying today...right now it could be both...
I would like a double serving of genuine love..trust me I get enough of that from my family..[God bless them for enduring this soul]...yes we've had the whining of two faced friends but I mean friends who'd move the earth for me like I'd move it for them..or I speak too generally..there reaches a point when the crap and thoughtlessness isn't funny anymore, like the straw that broke the donkey's back.

Yes, this is my introvert nature and depression talking...I actually love myself enough to let some people go...Its just that I feel so alone...there's no one to say the right words..the words I want to hear...it doesn't work when I say it to myself...anyway ..I'm done waiting and really depending on people 'cause even on a dark day, even your own shadow deserts you.....God is Love...Love yourself...

This is real, This is me

“With realization of one’s own potential & self confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” ~Dalai Lama 

 Hey..been a sec..well I've always been good at starting things...then I just give up along the way. I'm trying to be more consistent, its one of my weaknesses..others have alcohol problems, drug problems, mine is not being consistent. Today started out alright..now its at a low ..but hey that's just what life is like..rather what it looks like it was meant to be..
Working on my self confidence...I know...


would you look at that..I didn't finish this either..well I'm finishing it now..


Our flaws also make us the people we are, though I sometimes fancy myself perfect...I'm made aware everyday of how I'm not. Either way I wouldn't want to dwell on what's wrong instead of what I'm trying to do right...I've been stuck looking for people's approval for most of my short life, but it recently dawned on me..which it should have a long time ago..you can't make everyone happy..NEVER EVER..maybe in another world, but in this one....


I'd always go the extra mile for people..*I'd like to think I did*, but till I realized very few would reciprocate the kind of effort, well it makes you see who matters and who doesn't. I'm on some sort of self discovery trip and quite frankly I didn't love myself enough to know my worth. So I've cropped a few..many people out of the picture, I know there's some honest people to love out there, and I'll find them. I've already been blessed enough to know some of the coolest people in the world...


Its been quite a trip but I can safely say I'm almost there. Sure there's a few things we'd love to change but I'm imperfectly perfect..everyone is.

One of 'those' days

well, I had started out a few days ago intending to write something with this title, but I didn't finish and well..it got lost..but I feel just like almost every other day...is a 'those' day..get me?..Sad really, tired of sitting on my ass doing nothing..waiting to go to college and well, looks like my study permit is delaying a wee bit, but I choose to still hope for the best.
When you argue with someone, lets say, a best friend(which at the present time I have none)..how do you clear it?..just wait for both of you to forget and start talking again..as far as I'm concerned my confrontations have never gone right. I'm a talker but my feelings leaving my mind clearly is another story. Lately I've been having more conversations with myself, I like to think of myself as quite entertaining. But before it reaches a point of madness I need to find someone to vent to...*already feel sorry for whoever will be about*..I gotta go but I'm thinking of some Ghandi quote..something about how we must be the change we wish to see in the world....the world right about now, could use some sunshine...ASAP

PROcrastination...

..I've never been a 'today' kind of person...i'll put something off..saying in the next 5 minutes...which becomes 10 minutes, 30, 50...only to do it a week later....pssh...In the hype of New Year resolutions..well it should have been at the top of the list...I procrastinated making the list mind you... :)...Anywho..I'm supposed to be doing my university application but no..I have all the time in the world till the last 3 days..I need to figure out how to get over this but till then...I could always do it later...

Rainy day 01/10

..well this is frustrating..my first attempt at a blog post and it all got deleted..anyway..I was going about my new developed pessimistic attitude..and I know my heart's not where's its supposed to be. I need to know there's hope out there in the world that there's some good people left. You'll probably see more of me..or not but I need a outlet for the many things that go through my mind...