Who am I?

Who am I?
Do you ever really find yourself asking that question?
I'm taking a business course that also takes in some psychological aspects and we had to submit a self assessment and this question came up.

The main point of the assessment was also to note if we identified ourselves more with a group (e.g I am a Girl Scout..random example but you get the picture) or personally...I am ..creative.

In a world that's constantly changing, I feel we also have to change. But I've found myself agreeing or rather giving in, completely compromising what I say or claim I believe in. I've learnt there's a complete difference between espoused and enacted values. We're somewhat quick to claim we have good values but have I been acting out my 'good' values? Actions truly speak louder than words and when I look back and analyse my actions as I usually tend to do, I am almost the person I'd scoff at.

Of late I've been somewhat(I love this word) distant, I the day I finally confessed I am 'somewhat' stuck up, made me realize I am becoming the person I detested. I want to be a channel of peace. When people think of me, it should somehow make them happier; you know those people, the people whose mere presence has the ability to make everything or everyone feel better, I'd love that.

Oh for my class result, I identified with myself personally, and I accredited this to my introvert nature. Introverts tend to be somewhat or appear to have anti-social tendencies and boy have I gone all in. But its a bitter introversion I have. Clearly the world favors extroverts and though I know I could never really be, I still wish I could be the life of the party. But life should never be a pity party. I'll be the best introvert I could be...in a good way...But Peace and Love...God is Love

-K

'Ello 'ello

well 'ello there,

it's a new blog or to be honest a rarely attended to blog but nonetheless  who ever you are out there in the world who happened to stumble upon this blog, 'ello there. I don't know what kinda day you had, what's going on, but recently I've learnt life really is what you make it. I know we all started out with 2013 resolutions but I kind of didn't get into the resolutions hype because I knew I'd just stick to then for the first week probably, but all I want to be is the best person I could possibly be, in every aspect of life at that too. To be good to my neighbor, whoever my neighbor is, wherever my neighbor is from. Anywho I have a final to study for, later world. :)

Hello there,

Got exams later this week, Studied today, it felt great..lol troubles of being a student. Other than that, talk about daylight saving time...an hour less of sleep..it was cool gaining an hour but now...

Catching up with episodes of Arrow, I kinda stopped, thinking how desensitized tv makes us sometimes. All the killing, you kinda root for the hero to kill he bad guys but death is death in the end. So just check what you watch...and listen to..everything is so charged with sexual content, what happened to simple good music?

Anywho, Blessed Sunday

God is Love

-K

Catching up

Hey there,

Been a while, like I've mentioned..or if I haven't consistency has never been one of my strong points so a blog with no posts is kinda so me. I'm writing this 49 minutes past midnight, Vancouver time. I have two midterms coming up, which I need to ace and well I have been meaning to study. I could be writing this for myself but whatever,

Recently I've found myself watching beauty and fashion gurus on Youtube, my, my, my...
I'm an avid shopper, well bargainista...I refuse to pay full price when I can wait for sales and get ridiculous prices. But as I've tried to give up shopping this month for lent, it started to dawn on me how materialistic in a sense I'd become. The feeling of just having to buy something...I know fashion has never been taken so seriously as now..s...no harm, express yourself, brand names.. Well for me it was becoming a tad unhealthy, like seriously, I'd rather buy clothes instead of my groceries...tsk tsk priorities... noting I'm a college student, in an expensive city. Cut backs are necessary. I do like to window shop online and fill in the cart..lol..a girl can dream can't she..Zara Canada now offers online shopping and my cart;s up to a 1000 bucks..before taxes.. :)..well let the sales come around.

But in the end remember , whatever you believe, we leave this world the way we entered it, NaKeD..with nothing, so just stop and think a little, you don't really really really need it as much as you think you do, actually try to do something for someone else instead.

God is Love

-K

The One

I feel I can't or will never find my apparent better half...I mean..where in the world is he?..Where?..I would never want to rush something like this or settle for second best. I've always wanted to rely on myself and not be a girly girl who gets doors opened for her, or who just gets the free stuff, like I would actually want to pay on a date, ofcourse my guy wouldn't be a cheap skate and always let me pay. I don't want to have to play mind games, Love is true..love is mature..look at me talking about love..me...yes me, I've just been thinking about it alot lately and I mean, I know "we're not perfect"..*note the quotation marks* We are called to be holy just as our heavenly Father is holy..somewhere Matthew 5 vs 40-something...hey I searched it's 48..the last verse of the chapter. But I mean..I'd love to be a person someone would love to love..get it?..People would say the kind of love that hurts'. I thought I found it..I thought I was being the best person I could..turns out God..loved me, loves me, will love me...even at my worst..and how awesome is it to know that?..

That's why I say to God, please keep my dearest wherever in the world he is. I've promised to save myself, I don't want to be anyone's sloppy seconds or thirds, but have that pure, beautiful love that reflects what the Lord truly had in mind. I'm a dreamer but I will not compromise, I will not hurry God's time is the best...easy to say :) but I have found it to be true.

 I pray Lord for patience..lots of it, many a fine brother do I see, but you see past that and see our hearts. I'm just waiting for my best friend to make an appearance...and in the mean time trying not to get him confused with someone else..*please may he be hoTT.. ",* thanks.. -K

..Ever had tht chill..the one you really feel in your bones? Well I just had one..could be the sad weather and also a chill coming from somewhere deep within...
I'm not alone. but I'm lonely..there's a huge difference between the two..Listening to some Emeli Sande and boy the feeling just got magnified....
.The past few months I've been losing myself more and more...Then I ask what exactly am I looking for??..I seem to have tired of alot of people...everyone's all paired up..and I still can't find the person who's supposed to be my better half...where the heck are you??????..lol...I'm stuck between laughing and crying today...right now it could be both...
I would like a double serving of genuine love..trust me I get enough of that from my family..[God bless them for enduring this soul]...yes we've had the whining of two faced friends but I mean friends who'd move the earth for me like I'd move it for them..or I speak too generally..there reaches a point when the crap and thoughtlessness isn't funny anymore, like the straw that broke the donkey's back.

Yes, this is my introvert nature and depression talking...I actually love myself enough to let some people go...Its just that I feel so alone...there's no one to say the right words..the words I want to hear...it doesn't work when I say it to myself...anyway ..I'm done waiting and really depending on people 'cause even on a dark day, even your own shadow deserts you.....God is Love...Love yourself...

This is real, This is me

“With realization of one’s own potential & self confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” ~Dalai Lama 

 Hey..been a sec..well I've always been good at starting things...then I just give up along the way. I'm trying to be more consistent, its one of my weaknesses..others have alcohol problems, drug problems, mine is not being consistent. Today started out alright..now its at a low ..but hey that's just what life is like..rather what it looks like it was meant to be..
Working on my self confidence...I know...


would you look at that..I didn't finish this either..well I'm finishing it now..


Our flaws also make us the people we are, though I sometimes fancy myself perfect...I'm made aware everyday of how I'm not. Either way I wouldn't want to dwell on what's wrong instead of what I'm trying to do right...I've been stuck looking for people's approval for most of my short life, but it recently dawned on me..which it should have a long time ago..you can't make everyone happy..NEVER EVER..maybe in another world, but in this one....


I'd always go the extra mile for people..*I'd like to think I did*, but till I realized very few would reciprocate the kind of effort, well it makes you see who matters and who doesn't. I'm on some sort of self discovery trip and quite frankly I didn't love myself enough to know my worth. So I've cropped a few..many people out of the picture, I know there's some honest people to love out there, and I'll find them. I've already been blessed enough to know some of the coolest people in the world...


Its been quite a trip but I can safely say I'm almost there. Sure there's a few things we'd love to change but I'm imperfectly perfect..everyone is.